The connection between a husband and wife is so close and powerful that the Bible calls it a “one-flesh relationship.” No other relationship on earth is described in such intense terminology. Think about it: one flesh, one body shared by two people. The closeness is overwhelming.

The point of the Adam and Eve story isn’t just an important history lesson. It also illustrates what happens throughout the ages when two people share such intimacy. They are joined together like Adam and Eve, duplicating that relationship in their own lives, becoming what Adam exclaimed about Eve: “You are bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh.”

This was so important that the author of Genesis stopped his narrative of the Genesis history to add a one-sentence commentary, the only commentary in the entire story, So shall a man leave father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall no longer be two but one flesh. This is the most quoted verse by the authors of the New Testament,

And we see the same “one-flesh” relationship between parents and their children. Children are born from the bodies of their parents and therefore share this same, special, one-flesh relationship. The degree of closeness between children and their parents is indescribable. Hints of this incredible intimacy may be found in various verses in the Bible.

Pay attention to verses that speak of blessings over a lifetime—that if you do such and such you will be blessed forever.

The formula for mental and emotional health is found in the fifth commandment which demands that children honor their father and mother. The book of Proverbs begins with a command for children to obey their parents.

Consider the fifth commandment: If a child honors his father and mother he will live long in the land and it will be well with him. The promise is a long lifetime of prosperity and emotional well-being. That exceeds winning the lottery ten times over.

And Proverbs suggests the same type of ongoing blessings—chains (of gold) about the neck and wreaths (of blessing) about the head. In other words the children will be attractive and favorably received by others.

Equally important to note is that dishonoring parents will result in a lifetime of disarray for a child. Proverbs 20:20 says that if a child curses father or mother, his light will be put out in utter darkness. Obviously there is something vitally important existing between parents and children that determines the emotional health and stability of the child.

We need to pay attention. Given to us in God’s word is THE formula for emotional and mental health between husband and wife and between children and their parents. If the parents serve each other, care for each other, and are responsible to each other and their children, and if the children are obedient and respectful to their parents, you have all the building blocks for a lifetime of stability and emotional health.

Resources: Loving Your Stepfamily: The Art of Making Your Blending Family Work, by Dr. Donald R. Partridge. For a more comprehensive list of materials please go to our online bookstore.

A single-parent family is fully operational, fully functioning, and  mature, with habits and characteristics of its own. Now, imagine two fully mature families merging under one roof. Conflicts are bound to arise.
Imagine two stepsisters sharing a bathroom for the first time—one tidy, one sloppy. Or imagine new stepparents removing furniture from their stepchildren’s home—furniture the children love—and replacing it with furniture of their own. Or, imagine married parents quarreling over child discipline or disagreeing about how to manage former spouses.
 
What is so sad and so frustrating is that most all stepfamily difficulties are largely preventable. Had couples given serious attention to behaviors and household issues before they married, their chances of avoiding future problems would have been greatly enhanced.

Trying to deal with differences in family traditions, habits, and cultural differences after the fact—after conflict has arisen, after emotions are running high, after lines have been drawn—is about the worst time to try to work out cooperative solutions.

Without a process called synchronization, huge storms loom on the horizon. Here’s how to synchronize two merging families:

Step1—Decide. The couple will need to make decisions about how their household will operate and agree on specific routine tasks and procedures.

Before combining households, each parent should try to picture the two families living together, imagining how the blending family will function and how things should work in general. Through negotiation they will then come to agreement on compatible lifestyles.

A few of the things the couple might discuss are bedtimes for the children, types of meals, when meals are to be served, kitchen clean-up, when and where the kids will do homework, when they will watch television, the children’s jobs on weekdays and weekends, etc.

Step 2—Implement. The parents should then begin to carry out these decisions in their own separate households. This should be done prior to the joining of the two families.

The kids will note that their parent is making changes. But if any snags occur, they will complain to their own parent, who will then take responsibility.

Imagine the dad telling his children that the reason they have to do the dishes right after dinner is because that’s what their stepmother will want them to do. Talk about setting up the future stepmother for failure!

Tradition, order, and routine are very important for children, and they usually view any change with suspicion and some degree of opposition. So each parent will want to represent the change as coming from the parent only, never the future stepparent.

Couples should not marry until their families are fairly well synchronized. Refusal of a partner to implement what has been agreed upon will likely suggest future difficulties for that stepfamily.

Resources: The Environments in Single Parent Dating and Single Parent Savvy Partnering Series: Book 3: Merging, by Dr. Donald R. Partridge. To purchase more comprehensive materials please go to www.ifre.org/ifre/buy_online.