SINGLE PARENTS: SAVVY PARTNERING: STAGE 1 DATING

DATING DIALOGUES: LEARNING MORE ABOUT EACH OTHER

This booklet is designed for individuals who may wish to date in the future and for dating couples who wish to develop lifelong relationships.

Single Parent: Savvy Partnering will help dating partners to .

• Learn more about themselves and assess their ability to establish a long-term relationship. 
• Know if their dating partner is the right person for them.  
• Explore deeper levels in their relationship.

 We have provided you with a savvy approach to choosing the right partner based on lessons learned from life experiences of hundreds of single parents and future stepparents.

Using this booklet will help you ultimately understand who you are and who your partner really is, and help you make critically important decisions about your potential for living together "happily ever after."

The Need for Inquiry

Having an exclusive partner is wonderful, particularly for single parents.

A warm and caring relationship between two adults offers welcome relief from the feelings of loss suffered through a past divorce and/or continuing struggles with a former spouse. There is little that can equal a close human bond wherein each adult is deeply concerned about the welfare and happiness of the other.

However, detailed knowledge of one another between dating partners with children is essential if a relationship is ultimately to succeed.

Over 60 percent of second marriages fail, worse odds than for first marriages. This is a puzzling statistic, because it would seem that single parents who have suffered the pain of divorce would exercise more caution and more patience when selecting an exclusive partner.

So the question remains, why do couples rush into marriage without working on resolving potential problematic issues ahead of time? Why are they not more insistent about inquiring into their partner's past and present before proceeding into a lifelong commitment?

A few reasons come to mind: 

• In our interviews with married couples in blending families, most said that at the time of their marriage they thought they understood their partners quite well. After they were married, however, they realized how little they really knew about one another.
• Many couples during their dating experiences don't feel it is necessary to ask serious questions about their partner's past behaviors or attitudes.
• Even if they feel that inquiry and dialogue are important, because of the complexity of the blending family many couples are unaware of what questions are important to ask.
• Single parents in a deepening relationship tend to develop unrealistic expectations. Because it is such a joy to find someone special and being together is so blissful, dating couples are reluctant to ask some rather straightforward questions that might "rock the boat." Couples may think, why create problems?
• Many adults shy away from asking direct, very personal questions of their partners. Some may feel that in so doing they are revealing a lack of trust in their partner's honor and truthfulness.

Dating partners must not allow themselves the luxury of ignorance.